Finally: An easy way to organize meals for friends

Posted on 24. Jun, 2010 by kchristieh in food

Over the years, there are several times that I’ve organized meals for friends who have had babies, had surgery, or lost loved ones to help ease their burden in difficult times. I’ve used Microsoft Excel and Google Documents, but neither of these has been as seamless for me and the people providing the meals as I’d wish.

I’m happy to report that there’s a new website, MealBaby, that finally solves the meal planning dilemma. You set up an account and include the dates available, dietary preferences and restrictions, and other relevant instructions. Then, send a link to the people who might like to provide a meal. Once they either register or sign in, they’ll see the dates on the calendar that are still available. They’ll also see what people are planning on cooking on the nights that are already taken. (After all, lasagne is wonderful, but you don’t necessarily want it every night. Unless you’re me.)

I signed up to make a meal for someone on Saturday night. I plan to make a great recipe for Tex-Mex Chicken & Rice Bake on AllRecipes.com, and will double it so my family can eat it too.

What I learned when my son broke his leg

Posted on 06. Nov, 2009 by kchristieh in health, life lessons, my life, parenting, social networking, sports

It’s been tough to keep up with my goal of daily blog posting lately. Clients, volunteer positions, and a child applying to college have taken a higher priority. As if that wasn’t enough, this past Friday night my son fractured his tibia and dislocated his kneecap in a high school football game. He had surgery the next day, and we spent two nights in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been his personal nurse, helping him move his whole-leg cast when he gets up or down from a sitting or sleeping position, refilling his water bottle, and making him caprese sandwiches.

Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned this week:

• Every hospital patient needs an advocate. My son entered the emergency room in utter pain, and after 10 minutes of waiting we were told it would be another 20 minutes before a triage nurse would see him. It was only when I whipped out my purse supply of Tylenol and with tears in my eyes asked how much to give him that they finally talked to him. Likewise, after his surgery, the nurses who attended to him were very kind, but needed reminding that 40 minutes before they’d promised more pain medication or help with something important. I’m glad I was there for him.
• Keep your situation in perspective. I felt and feel awful for my son, but his situation could be far worse. I said lots of prayers for people in the hospital that were in worse shape than my son.
• You can’t wash your hands too much. I treated every surface in that hospital as if it was coated with the plague. Time will tell if I was successful in avoiding illness, but I’m glad I was careful.
• Hospital food can be good. The food at our hospital cafeteria was excellent and cheap. I should eat lunch there with friends. Except for my previous point about hospital germs.
• When you need to go rescue your child who’s broken a bone, if possible, take an extra two minutes and bring: magazines, water bottles, a phone charger, a jacket, and socks. You’ll be so glad you did when you’re at the hospital overnight or for hours on end. (This was my son’s 4th bone break, so I learned this awhile ago.)
• Guard your time at the hospital and afterwards. It was good that everyone didn’t visit the hospital, since each visit was both exhilarating and tiring, and at one point I told some people that instead of talking on the phone and bothering my son, that it would be better to text. I also made sure to turn both our phones off at night.
• You never know when your child will play his last game. I didn’t attend Friday night’s game; my daughter had come home sick that afternoon, so I chose to stay home with her. My husband and I actually looked at each other and said, “There’s no way he’ll get hurt, right? He’s the kicker.” Hahaha. In retrospect, it’s just as well I wasn’t there, as it would have been torture to watch him lie on the field for so long with no power to do anything. But after 12 years of organized sports, this may wind up being the last game he plays in until he plays intramurals in college.
• Aerobeds are amazing. I’m sleeping on one next to my son’s bed in case he needs to get up in the middle of the night or needs more pain medication. I’m sleeping like a log on that thing. Note: this is just true for the actual Aerobed brand. I haven’t been so happy with other air mattresses.
• I can mention this one since my son won’t read this: if your child is asleep next to you and it’s dark and you’re bored, copy cell phone numbers of their closest friends onto your cell phone. You never know when you’ll need them.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a bed tray my son could use to eat his meals and do homework, two showed up on my doorstep the next morning. Ditto for needing some concrete blocks to keep the dog in. One of my Facebook friends was going to the hardware store anyway, so she saved me a trip that would take me away from my son. And the food people have brought us has saved many nights of frozen pizza. And my son appreciates the cards and gifts people have brought.
• I live in a great community. People care, and back it up with action. I’m very, very, very fortunate to live here and have such wonderful friends.  :)

Over 60 Ways to Help a Sick Friend or Relative

Posted on 16. Aug, 2009 by kchristieh in health, religion

This weekend my husband’s youngest sister found out she has acute myeloid leukemia. She entered the hospital today, and if the doctors determine she’s up for it, she’ll start intensive chemotherapy tomorrow.

Unfortunately, she lives halfway across the country. We’re praying a lot for her, but we’d like to find more ways to help and support her. I’m not an expert in these matters, so I turned to Google and compiled the following list of ways to help a friend or relative who’s sick:

• Be supportive without expecting anything in return. In particular, don’t burden them with your problems.
• Listen more than you talk.
• Don’t judge them because of their illness. Have compassion.
• Don’t try to take over their life.
• Keep in touch, even via phone.
• Send notes and cards frequently.
• Allow the person to be scared, and to cry.
• Keep your emotions under control. You don’t want to add to their burden by making them worrry about how you’re handling their situation.
• If you talk for a long time and they’re in the right state of mind, share stories from your life, so that they can stay in touch with the outside world and have news to pass on to others.
• Take pictures or videos of family or social events they can’t attend.
• Learn more about the patient’s illness or disease so you can understand what they’re talking about.
• Offer to create and maintain a page on CaringBridge or CarePages that will help keep friends updated and will allow those friends to communicate their get well wishes on.
• Ask people who are in touch with the patient if they can think of anything you might be able to do.
• Offer to pray with the person, if that’s appropriate.
• Let the person complain about what their doctor has instructed them to do, but encourage them to follow the instructions.

If you can visit,

• Call first to see if you can come.
• Learn about the patient’s condition and about their illness before you visit.
• Wash your hands and sanitize them before you touch the patient or anything you plan to give to them.
• Don’t stay longer than 15-20 minutes.
• Avoid close contact so you don’t spread disease.
• Turn off your cellphone, or at least the ringer. Give your attention to the patient, not to your cellphone.
• Be willing to sit and listen. Even watch tv. Your mere presence will be appreciated.
• Ask to see what you can cook them for dinner. Bring it in disposable containers. Better yet, organize a calendar so that friends can make sure that food deliveries are spread out evenly.
• Offer to do specific tasks such as: minor home repairs, care for pets, mow the lawn, drive the kids, wash windows, buy groceries, help set up for the holidays, buy birthday gifts, etc.
• Ask the patient and their family “What needs to be done?” instead of “What can I do?” They might not realize the extent of your capabilities or connections to others who may help.
• Tell them when you’re available to help. If you say you’re available on Tuesday morning, for example, they might ask you to pick up a prescription that’s ready then.
• Offer to read to the patient.
• Patients interviewed on various websites mentioned that they appreciated when someone brought perfume, a coloring book and crayons (from a granddaughter), music, magazines, knitting supplies, candy, flowers, books, lotion, Chapstick, gum, socks, t-shirt, phone card, a notebook, and non-hospital food. Of course, make sure it’s ok for the patient to have something before you bring it.
• Offer to give the patient a manicure, a pedicure or a massage.
• Bring healthy snacks and non-alcoholic, caffeine-free beverages.
• If they’re not allowed outside, bring them fall leaves, winter snow or spring flowers.
• If they can go out, take them for a ride.
• Ask them if there’s anyone that you can contact for them.
• Give them frozen cookies or brownies that they can either eat when they’re feeling better or that they can offer to guests.
• Let them know they look great, all things considered.
• Let them know you admire their strength.
• Offer to write thank you notes and cards.
• Give the person a chance to discuss their spiritual concern by saying something like, “It’s difficult to be sick and not have control, isn’t it?”
• Offer a shoulder to lean on if the person needs to walk as either exercise or to visit the lavatory.
• If it’s appropriate, bring humor and a light mood to them. Laughter can be a terrific medicine.

If you visit them in the hospital,

• Speak to the nurses first to prepare yourself for the condition they’ll be in, and to see if there are any special instructions regarding what you can bring into their room.
• If the door is closed, check with the nurse before you open it.
• Don’t wake a sleeping patient before checking with a nurse first. It’s probably best if you wait until they wake up or if you leave a note and visit later.
• Give them privacy. If they’re being attended to by doctors or nurses, you should probably leave the room.
• Show respect for the doctors and nurses, no matter what your past experience has been.
• If the room is crowded, it’s probably best to come back another time.
• Sit down in a chair.
• Offer to refill the water pitcher, answer the telephone, or call a nurse if necessary.
• Ask doctors and nurses to explain things you don’t understand. Have faith in them.

Here’s a list of what NOT to do:

• Don’t ask them how they’re doing. This one puzzled me, but the explanation that Associated Content gave makes sense: “You already know how they are. They’re in the hospital and don’t need the extra frustration of having to answer a question that has an obvious answer. People naturally use the phrase “how are you” to start a conversation. Using that phrase when we know what the answer is going to be can be annoying and aggravating for someone who is ill. Also remember that the majority of people in the hospital are usually being administered pain medications. The effects of these medications alone are enough to irritate someone.”
• Don’t offer unsolicited medical advice. Of course, if they ask your opinion, give it. But be aware that they’ve already got medical professionals advising them, and what works for you or someone else you know might not work for them.
• Don’t second-guess the doctor.
• Don’t visit the patient or a hospital if you have symptoms of an illness that might be contagious.
• Don’t promise them that God will bring total healing.
• Don’t say “God wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle.” It makes it sound like the patient is being targeted with bad things by God.
• Don’t gossip or relay bad news.
• Don’t delve into their personal life.
• Don’t tell them you know how they feel. You probably don’t, and even if you do, who cares? It’s not about you, it’s about them. Just listen to them, and don’t be judgmental.
• Don’t visit if you’ll increase the patient’s stress or anxiety.
• Don’t expect the patient to entertain you. They should not be expected to keep you occupied.
• Don’t smoke, even if you step outside to do so. The lingering smell may make the person nauseous.

Remember, everyone’s different. Although the above suggestions may work for most people most of the time, remember that everyone’s personality and situation are different.

PS – If I’m ever really sick, please make sure I have a Kindle to read. Hopefully a hospital would allow it. I think that would be a great way to have books, magazines and newspapers without having to worry about the germs they might carry.