Cutting the cord

Posted on 23. Aug, 2010 by kchristieh in college, my life, parenting

A metaphor: my daughter exploring alone on a recent hike

I never got the chance to say goodbye to my daughter when I dropped her off at college last week. She didn’t realize that when she went to her sorority information meeting it would be the last time she would see me that day, and was surprised that I’d left campus by the time it was over. Her roommate’s parents and I had remarked that we were impressed by how our daughters had no separation anxiety, which is true, but I know my daughter had planned on at least a quick hug. It was ok; I got to see her twice over the next few days as I brought her bike and a few other items down to campus. Still, no tears on either end. She’s thrilled to be in college, and I’m thrilled for her.

Today’s NY Times reports in Students, Welcome to College; Parents, Go Home that many colleges are encouraging students and parents to make a more formal break. Whether they host a parents-only reception at the end of the day or hold a ceremony with parents on one side and students on the other, colleges feel the need to shoo the parents off school grounds at a certain point. One school even shuts the gates to keep the parents out. It sounded like this was a good idea in certain situations. Some of the parents they interviewed admitted they are having a tough time saying goodbye.

Hopefully these kids realize how lucky they are. If the parents are guilty of anything, it’s a surplus of love. It manifests itself differently in different people, and needs to evolve over time, but at least these kids have someone who cares enough to drive them to campus, help them move in, and pay $54,000 a year to educate them.

And to save them a bedroom for when they come home in four (hopefully not five) years.

Ask your teens to watch this movie

Posted on 22. Aug, 2010 by kchristieh in college, health, life lessons

I dropped my daughter off at college on Wednesday, and tomorrow she begins sorority rush. Even though she doesn’t drink, and her university required her to pass an online alcohol education class, I asked her to find time to watch the movie Haze online. The film’s website describes it as follows:

On the afternoon of September 16, 2004, a joyous 18-year-old, Lynn Gordon Bailey Jr., pledged Chi Psi Fraternity at the University of Colorado. The next morning he was found dead, a victim of an irresponsible hazing ritual involving alcohol. A sad situation, but made even worse because it was so preventable.

Every year, a staggering 1,700 college students face the same fate. Another 100,000 are victims of sexual assault as a result of heavy drinking. But no one working on a national level to change a culture that puts our young people in peril. Until now.

HAZE is a feature documentary, created with the intent of placing a focus on the issues of binge drinking, alcohol-laden hazing rituals, and rapid-fire drinking games. Simply stated, the film’s goal is to save lives and prevent harm.  Harm that would never have happened if a few crucial steps had been followed by friends, by fraternity brothers and sisters, family members or peers. HAZE won’t end irresponsible drinking but it will be the first chapter in an educational process for parents and young adults–teaching us what to do and what to look out for in order to “save a life.”

When I sent my daughter the link to the movie, I also reminded her that a small amount of hard liquor can equal a full beer, and that these days the hard liquor that’s often consumed is a far cry from the beer that was often consumed when I was in college. I told her that I hoped she continued to make safe, healthy decisions, but that this was important to see because she may need to do the right thing in helping someone who isn’t making good decision. She emailed me back to say that she’d seen this already (haha – I think I emailed it to her awhile back, too!) and that she’s actually seeing less irresponsible drinking thus far in college than she did in high school.

So it’s good that I also sent this link to my son, who’s now a senior in high school. He’s already seeing people making some bad decisions, and I want him to know what can result.

Don’t play in this box

Posted on 19. Aug, 2010 by kchristieh in shopping

When I purchased this box for my daughter to bring to college, I never realized how dangerous it was.

Thank goodness it came with a warning.

Don’t make me beg

Posted on 18. Aug, 2010 by kchristieh in inspirational people

I admired the chutzpah of the woman asking for money at the corner of Alvarado Blvd. and Glendale Blvd. in Los Angeles this evening. Her shirt was so perfect: it featured the dog from “Family Guy” saying, “Don’t make me beg.” I was impressed that someone in such dire straits could maintain a sense of humor and irony. I wonder what brought her to that corner?

It reminded me of the recent series of article about Project 50 in the LA Times. What would happen if we provided housing to the homeless?

Too bad she didn’t stop by my car, and too bad my purse was out of reach in the back, or I would have complimented her on her shirt and helped make wearing it worthwhile.