Don’t box me in with labels
Posted on 14. Jul, 2010 by kchristieh in my life
When a well-meaning friend recently referred to me as a “Mommy Blogger,” I instantly got defensive. Over the past 1,400+ blog posts, I’ve covered a wide variety of topics and made a conscious effort not to use my unsuspecting family as my primary blogging material. In fact, a quick survey of my most recent 20 posts shows that only 1 centered on something I did as a parent, and that one (“Why I Love Baccalaureate“) could have been written by anyone in attendance at that event. As blessed as I am to be a parent, I especially don’t want to be labeled as something that doesn’t totally define me, or that implies something I’m not.
Here are some other labels that people have pinned on me, and why I hope you can see beyond them:
MOM: I’m the proud parent of a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old. They’re great kids, and yes, they call me “Mom.” But I have my own life, with just as many friends on Facebook, and I don’t need to live vicariously through them, spy on them, or pander to them the way the “Mom” label might imply to some people. Ironically, or perhaps predictably, I think that the people that put the “Mom” label on me the most are my children’s peers.
WIFE: I’ve been married 23 years to a great guy. Wow. That’s twice as long as my parents were married to each other. I’m blessed to be in a marriage loaded with mutual love, respect, values, interests, etc. But as much as I may be the one that makes the dinner and drives the kids, I have my own life too. And so does my husband. Being a wife is wonderful, but it’s not all that I am.
DEMOCRAT: Over the past 19 years, I think I’ve only voted for one Republican. As much as I’d like to call myself an Independent, because I do think independently, I think my voting record definitely qualifies me as a Democrat. But I don’t agree with all the positions of the Democratic party, even some that are basic to other people. I think my positions are consistent and logical, but don’t we all?
WHITE: When I was an RA in college, one of the students in my dorm, whose father had been a sharecropper, called me the most “white bread” person she’d ever known. Yes, I am White. The parts of me that don’t see the light of day could blind you with their brightness, and I am shocked at how closely I align with the website “Stuff White People Like.” Yesterday I dragged the kids to Whole Foods to get more Mandarin Pumpkin Marmalade for my morning crêpe, and they said that was incredibly White of me. Given that for the over 400 years that I can trace back my family tree all my ancestors hail from Northern Europeans, this label sticks. But please don’t think that because I’m one race, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love people of all races. I married a Latino man, who has ancestors over the past 150 years that were Native American, Persian, Italian, and Spanish. I don’t care what race the person my children go out with or marry someday is; I care about what’s in that person’s heart, and in their character. And if you really want to get technical, I’m not exactly white. I’m more like the square on the right, which is hex #FFF3ED.
JERSEY GIRL: Yes, I was born in New Jersey. But I chose to leave. See the next label.
CALIFORNIAN: I LOVE California. I love the weather, the diversity of people and their cultures, and the geography. But most of all, I love the energy and enthusiasm of my adopted state, and the freedom and encouragement to venture forth and buck tradition to try new things. But I don’t have blinders on; I know California isn’t perfect. Our public education system is sinking fast at all levels, and we’re far from resolving important issues like immigration, prison overcrowding, and health care. We’ve also taken a big hit economically over the past few years. So while I’m proud and blessed to be a Californian, like my state, I’m complicated and not easily labeled. Ditto for being AMERICAN. I was so lucky to be born here, and am so proud to be a citizen of a country that values freedom so highly. But it doesn’t mean I agree with everything our nation does. Thankfully I have the freedom to be able to say that!
MIDDLE-AGED: I’m 47. Born in 1963, high school class of 1981, college class of 1985. I don’t hide it. Even so, I don’t feel any older than I did 20 years ago. Sure, only my hairdresser knows the true color of my lovely locks, and you won’t see me in a bikini anymore. But I feel like I have just as much energy and zest as I ever have. I embrace the information revolution, and have loved keeping up with all the new tools that allow me to stay efficient and productive in my life and in my career. My age actually benefits me in that I’ve experienced so much more of life that I feel smarter and wiser than ever. So call me middle-aged, but make sure it’s a compliment, not a hindrance. (Oh, how I hope this is all true in 20 years!)
CHRISTIAN: I am Christian. I believe that God sent Jesus to us because he loves us, and that we should follow his teachings and LOVE one another. And that’s the rub: I think that many Christians these days, who spend the bulk of their time bashing people they don’t agree with, shed a bad light on Christianity. I think God loves everyone, no matter what their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. and that we should too. So I hope that when you label me as a Christian, you think love, not hate.
GEEK: Yes, I have an MS in engineering, and can easily stay up all night refining the code on a website to make sure that each pixel matches up. But “Geek” to some people implies a lack of social skills, and that’s definitely not a problem for me. (See the Facebook reference above.)
Maybe if you combine these labels you’ll get a better picture of who I am, as long as you bear in mind the ways I’ve stated I don’t adhere to their stereotypes. Once people know me, they know that instead of labels, they should use adjectives to describe me. I’d prefer hard-working, caring, flexible, social, eager, curious, and many others. Just be careful not to stereotype me. I’m a unique person, with lots to contribute, just like everyone else.
PS – Despite not wanting to be called a “Mommy Blogger,” I will probably write a few posts about my first child going off to college next month. I may not only be a Mom, but it is a big part of who I am, and we’re going through some big changes in our house.
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