Lessons I never thought I’d need to teach my teens
Posted on 16. Dec, 2009 by kchristieh in life lessons, parenting
When I became a parent, I knew we’d have talks about s*x, drugs, working hard, etc. But here are a few things I’ve felt compelled to teach my teens that I never expected we’d discuss, or discuss so soon. Most have come up either because of stories we’ve heard, movies we’ve seen or articles I’ve read. I’ve repeated each of the following many times to my kids, and hope that they don’t have to experience these situations to realize the wisdom of my words.
Parties & Drinking:
- If someone passes out at a party, they’re asleep if you can rouse them and they can talk, but they’re unconscious if they can’t talk.
- If they’re asleep, summon an adult and keep making sure you can wake them and that they’re sleeping on their side in case they throw up.
- If they’re unconscious, call 911. (or this might happen)
- Don’t attend parties that don’t have adult supervision.
- If you’re at a party and your intuition is telling you that things are going downhill, get out fast.
- Always respectfully do what a police officer or Sheriff’s deputy asks.
Drugs:
- Marijuana can be laced with more deadly drugs.
- You can become addicted to meth the first time you use it. So don’t.
S*x:
- Besides potential pregnancy and emotional and reputation fallout, a big reason to avoid s*x outside of marriage is STDs.
- Condoms don’t always work, and oral contraceptives won’t prevent STDs.
Technology:
- Don’t let any pictures be taken of yourself that you’d be ashamed of showing up in public.
- Don’t join a Facebook group or friend someone just because all your friends have.
- Don’t let kids you don’t completely trust handle your cellphone.
Media:
- Can you imagine discussing Viagra or Monica Lewinsky with an elementary schooler? If your kids watch tv, you’ll have discussions about topics such as these. Just wait until you’re sitting on the couch next to them when a love scene in a movie comes on. Awkward!
P**n: (note: using ** so I don’t get banned by search engines)
- Even one look at p**n can embed an image you’ll always remember, so don’t look at it.
- Figure out what you’ll say if you’re at someone’s house and they start looking at or watching p**n.
- Today’s p**n is often much skankier than the stuff that was in magazines many years ago since pictures and videos don’t usually pass through editors before they’re posted on the internet.
Driving:
- Always look up Angeles Crest Highway before you turn onto it or cross it.
- If you don’t come to such a complete stop that the body of the car doesn’t back up a little bit, the local Sheriff’s deputies may give you a ticket. Better to do it and avoid traffic school.
- It doesn’t matter if “everyone else” is driving other kids before their first year of California driving is up: it’s illegal, there’s a good reason it’s illegal, and you’ll lose many privileges if you either drive someone else when you’re too young or you drive with someone else who isn’t old enough to drive you.
- Don’t let anyone into your car whom you think might have drugs on them, since they could leave the drugs in your car and you could get into trouble.
- Motorcycles are dangerous. Even if you are the safest driver with the safest bike, you’ve only got two wheels and can skid out if someone else cuts you off. Then, you’re completely vulnerable.
Weapons:
- If a kid shows you a gun and you’re not under competent adult supervision, get away as quickly as possible and tell an adult.
- If someone even jokes about shooting someone, take it seriously and report it.
Emotions:
- Any time someone talks about suicide, take it seriously.
- If someone breaks up with you, then they don’t value you enough, so you shouldn’t pine over them. (That’s a tough one.)
Forgiveness:
- Gossip hurts.
- It’s better if you come to me and let me know you messed up than for me to find out later or for the mess to get bigger.
- “Sorry” means you’re never going to do it again.
- Don’t follow “sorry” with “But.”
- Forgive others just as you wish to be forgiven.
I’m sure I’m missing some, and I welcome your suggestions.
Kathy,
Consider yourself lucky if your kids will follow all of your advice by the time that they reach 40 years of age. In any event don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t happen even at age 40.
It is hard for us to relate to it because as you know, we were all much disciplined and we always followed after our parents’ word to the letter. We never did anything foolish, risky, or destructive when we were young. But we were a better generation; ask my mom, she will tell you all about it.
One day they your kids will find themselves speaking to their own children, when suddenly they will hear their mom speaking from their throat. By then, they may grow some silver hair here and there.
Best of luck!
The lesson I gave to our neighbor who had a party when his/her parents weren’t there, was what a risk he was taking with his parents home. If one of those kids left drunk, driving a car and got in an accident, his parents could be held accountable or his friends could die or kill someone else. Or if one of the kids in the back yard pool drowned his parents could lose everything they had worked years for to give him a good life. I gave them 5 minutes to leave their house, or I would call the police. I called his mom and let her know, which she had asked me to do.
Hi Kathy -
this is a very nice list of lessons. thanks for posting. I have something to add that fits with the topic. A long time ago I had a great chat with a man sitting next to me on a plane. He and his grown daughter (he was in his 50′s, she in her 30′s at the time) had a great relationship. when she was a teenager, he would give her a roll of dimes when she went out. the house rule was if she ever was somewhere and didn’t feel comfortable for whatever reason, she could call. he would come get her and bring her home, no questions asked. (She never used the dimes.)
Great lessons. The three biggest health and safety threats to teens may be so obvious that you don’t feel the need to mention them, but it never hurts: (1) don’t smoke; (2) always wear a seatbelt; (3) never drive while intoxicated or get in a car with a driver who has been drinking. I would also make an attempt to delay as long as possible the start of drinking. The more we learn about the developing brain, the stronger the argument for keeping kids away from alcohol, as hard as this might be to accomplish.
Despite all the surprises you had to learn & teach, I hope it didn’t prevent you from having a Happy Festivus holiday today, KCher.
I really enjoyed reading this post! :) Thank you for the lessons!