What I learned when my son broke his leg
Posted on 06. Nov, 2009 by kchristieh in health, life lessons, my life, parenting, social networking, sports
It’s been tough to keep up with my goal of daily blog posting lately. Clients, volunteer positions, and a child applying to college have taken a higher priority. As if that wasn’t enough, this past Friday night my son fractured his tibia and dislocated his kneecap in a high school football game. He had surgery the next day, and we spent two nights in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been his personal nurse, helping him move his whole-leg cast when he gets up or down from a sitting or sleeping position, refilling his water bottle, and making him caprese sandwiches.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned this week:
- Every hospital patient needs an advocate. My son entered the emergency room in utter pain, and after 10 minutes of waiting we were told it would be another 20 minutes before a triage nurse would see him. It was only when I whipped out my purse supply of Tylenol and with tears in my eyes asked how much to give him that they finally talked to him. Likewise, after his surgery, the nurses who attended to him were very kind, but needed reminding that 40 minutes before they’d promised more pain medication or help with something important. I’m glad I was there for him.
- Keep your situation in perspective. I felt and feel awful for my son, but his situation could be far worse. I said lots of prayers for people in the hospital that were in worse shape than my son.
- You can’t wash your hands too much. I treated every surface in that hospital as if it was coated with the plague. Time will tell if I was successful in avoiding illness, but I’m glad I was careful.
- Hospital food can be good. The food at our hospital cafeteria was excellent and cheap. I should eat lunch there with friends. Except for my previous point about hospital germs.
- When you need to go rescue your child who’s broken a bone, if possible, take an extra two minutes and bring: magazines, water bottles, a phone charger, a jacket, and socks. You’ll be so glad you did when you’re at the hospital overnight or for hours on end. (This was my son’s 4th bone break, so I learned this awhile ago.)
- Guard your time at the hospital and afterwards. It was good that everyone didn’t visit the hospital, since each visit was both exhilarating and tiring, and at one point I told some people that instead of talking on the phone and bothering my son, that it would be better to text. I also made sure to turn both our phones off at night.
- You never know when your child will play his last game. I didn’t attend Friday night’s game; my daughter had come home sick that afternoon, so I chose to stay home with her. My husband and I actually looked at each other and said, “There’s no way he’ll get hurt, right? He’s the kicker.” Hahaha. In retrospect, it’s just as well I wasn’t there, as it would have been torture to watch him lie on the field for so long with no power to do anything. But after 12 years of organized sports, this may wind up being the last game he plays in until he plays intramurals in college.
- Aerobeds are amazing. I’m sleeping on one next to my son’s bed in case he needs to get up in the middle of the night or needs more pain medication. I’m sleeping like a log on that thing. Note: this is just true for the actual Aerobed brand. I haven’t been so happy with other air mattresses.
- I can mention this one since my son won’t read this: if your child is asleep next to you and it’s dark and you’re bored, copy cell phone numbers of their closest friends onto your cell phone. You never know when you’ll need them.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a bed tray my son could use to eat his meals and do homework, two showed up on my doorstep the next morning. Ditto for needing some concrete blocks to keep the dog in. One of my Facebook friends was going to the hardware store anyway, so she saved me a trip that would take me away from my son. And the food people have brought us has saved many nights of frozen pizza. And my son appreciates the cards and gifts people have brought.
- I live in a great community. People care, and back it up with action. I’m very, very, very fortunate to live here and have such wonderful friends. :)
Your experience has me thinking again about hospitals and caregiving and I just wanted to remind you to take care of yourself, too — once you get sucked through those doors there is no telling what might happen next or when you will get out. Various things that happened to me: freezing for hours in shorts and a T-shirt because I didn’t realize that a routine visit to the pediatrician would turn into a hospital vigil; being told to find a 24-hour caregiver available to start the same afternoon (same-day decision to discharge my 85-year-old dad back to his apartment following a stroke); discovering that the “nurse” treating him for a coumadin-assisted hemorrhage was actually just cleaning him up periodically and had not told anyone higher up about the bleeding. On the bright side, you are probably through the worst of it by now. Our thoughts are with you!
Great blog, Kathy! I appreciated every comment, particularly the second one. When I was recovering from surgery, I was just so thankful to be breathing because I have a friend’s brother who has ALS and whose every breath is in doubt. No matter our troubles, others have it worse. (I also loved #5. We have been fortunate with no broken bones yet, so it is nice to be reminded to take care of essentials along the way!) :)
Good Lessons.
“copy cell phone numbers!”. Well, maybe all the time spent home recuperating he’ll need something to do.Like ck mom’s blog for once!
remember when i broke my leg right after pre-school for the girls? not fun at all – but it imposed quality time with my loved ones that i wouldn’t have made otherwise. so enjoy the silver lining of this experience. best wishes to your family -
Kathy, as a pastor who has served mostly as a chaplain, and who is now caring for elderly parents, I heartily agree with your advice that everyone needs someone with them in the hospital to advocate for them. SO IMPORTANT! It is so vital for children of parents or parents of children to have a list that they carry in their wallet at all times of prescriptions and dosages, surgical history, allergies, etc. to give to the nurses/Dr.s and then check it once or twice to make sure what was recorded by the hospital is accurate.
Also, for children of elderly parents, to have any copy of Durable Power of Attorney, if there is one in effect, and if their isn’t one, make one. Even for healthy younger people, it is important that you communicate with loved ones what your wishes are in the case of an accident, or serious illness. It doesn’t take effect until the patient is no longer able to speak for themselves. But wouldn’t you want someone to speak for you, who knows what your wishes are and will honor them?
Visiting, in the hospitals: check with family first. If you go, stay no longer than 10 minutes. If someone is sick enough to be in the hospital, they need their rest, and not feel the need to entertain visitors. And visitors, don’t tell horror stories to the patient or family, of what may have happened to someone else with similar diagnosis. They don’t need the extra burden.
Meals brought that can be frozen, and in disposable containers are a lifesaver for the family to continue to take care of themselves. Making sure that you do prep with the knowledge of the family’s ages, and possible food allergies.
And lastly, http://www.caringbridge.com is a great resource for anyone who wants to share information with a large group of people without answering the phone over and over and answering tons of questions. It is a website where the family can do daily journal to get CORRECT information out to the masses, and adds a spot where people can send wishes to the patient and family to give them encouragement and let them know they aren’t alone in their trauma. I have used it, and it is a wonderful resource, without adding a lot of burden on the patient and family.
To add to Susan’s comments, my friend Amy Sluss has written a wonderful book about advocating for yourself and loved ones though the healthcare system, Health Care Your Way. More info can be found here: http://www.chartyourownhealth.com/ or on Amazon. Amy strongly advocates that we all have the summary health sheet that Susan describes and she provides samples and charts to use. Stephen’s health needs were probably simple enough for you to describe to the doctor, Kathy, but as we age our health stories become more complicated and some of that info can be crucial in a health emergency.
I appreciate your wisdom, and I’ll be thinking of your son, and your entire family!
I have been surprised to find the quality of food in hospital cafeterias. In the last town we lived in, the hospital cafeteria had the best breakfast in town. I always tried to schedule lab appointments so we could do the fasting blood tests and then go down the hall to eat. In the city where we live now, we have two hospitals that have excellent dinners. One actually has Friday night specials that I’d love to try, but my wife has bad memories of the place. In the other one, her hospital stay was so long that the checkout lady gave me the employee discount.
It is particularly important to have a durable power of attorney on file when advocating for parents beyond an initial hospitalization — Medicare, Social Security and the VA will not even answer telephone questions if they do not have papers on file naming you as responsible party. Additionally, some agencies require two doctor letters confirming that the patient is unable to manage personal affairs. These can take weeks to process.
In reference to your first bullet point….An independent patient advocate, i.e., not connected to an insurance company, hospital, doctor’s office, or the like, who’s both compassionate and aggressive, will save a patient money, time, stress and costly medical errors when seeking medical care. Patient Advocates Of Orlando serves the Central Florida communities. Please check our web site if you or your loved one is ill or injured and needs help navigating the medical maze to get proper health care treatment for an optimum outcome: http://www.patientadvocatesfl.com.
Sheryl Kurland, Vice President, Patient Advocates Of Orlando, 407-790-0796
I also learned how important handicapped spots are for people that don’t move easily. It’s not just that they’re closer to the entrance; it’s that you don’t have to cross traffic to get to the entrance. Wherever I go now, I notice where the handicapped spots are, and if there are enough of them.